The return of the Dark Lord

He is a bit shorter than Darth Vader and not as much fun but this week the seventh series of Lord Sugar’s most successful business venture to date – the Apprentice – began with not one but two consecutive nights of Britain’s most unlikely entrepreneurs fighting it out for a new kind of prize. It might be the last big reality TV show still in production but the recession has obviously affected Alan’s flagship product as he now no longer offers a job but a £250,000 investment into a “joint venture” business. In these difficult times they’ve modified the product but kept the same old familiar packaging.

The logic of the show has been sacrificed somewhat. The candidates are not pitching business ideas – as they do in the more worthy though dryer Dragon’s Den – but doing tasks and trying to prove themselves Alan’s most eligible partner. The ultimate winner then decides which sort of business they want to run and the Dark Lord provides the entire financial injection and personal expertise in running the new company. Sugar and the winner will be joint owners, with each taking a 50% interest.

It seems odd to me to invest in a person without knowing what they are going to be doing for you but it’s no less clear than the nature of Sir Alan’s investment itself. Is the money an equity investment or equity / loan split (which is what any venture capital business would do)? Do all shares carry equal voting rights, are they the same class for dividends? What are the exit arrangements? Are there call and put options on shares? Who advises the winner? Etc etc.

Mercifully all that is required of us superficially is to enjoy the contestants’ humiliation and gasp at the awfulness of some of their behaviour (ever hopeful we might discover another Stuart Baggs “the brand” to pour scorn upon).

The researchers have found the requisite desperados willing to say any old nonsense to get our attention. “Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the moon,” said Melody Hossaini, and “I’ve got plenty of charisma and, yeah, I’m not bad looking,” from Vincent Disneur.  But my favourite Baggism so far has to be from Helen Milligan, at 30 old enough to know better, who pronounced  “My social life and my personal life don’t mean anything to me.” What a human being! Sign her up to the dark side Sir Alan.